Freedom's just another word
by bookdragon01
Summary: Spock goes to speak with T'Pau after his older self advises to stay in Starfleet. He learned why.


I figure Spock wouldn't have just taken Spock Prime's advice w/o checking with the Vulcan Council. This is my take on why he isn't part of their regeneration propgram

As always, I own nothing.

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"_Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose…"_

_-Dylan_

Spock stood at the entrance to the Matriarch's chamber.

"T'Pau, I would speak with thee."

"Enter, Spock." She raised her hand in acknowledgement and lightly laid it on his head as he entered and bowed slightly before her.

"What would thou speak of, son of Sarek?"

Spock stepped slightly back, but kept his eyes downcast. "I am faced with a decision." he said, "To join the Vulcan colony or remain in Starfleet."

"Hast thou not spoken with thy other self?" she asked, one eyebrow arching slightly.

Spock looked up, steady, but amazed. "Do not be surprised." she said. "Even had he not told me, I would have recognized your self in him when we touched minds, though few of us know or could so reason."

Spock nodded. "Yes, we have spoken."

"Then thou knowst he shall stand in thy place within the colony. Indeed, by the weight of his years and knowledge, he shall be numbered among the Elders and so his voice shall carry greater influence than thine couldst in the council and all of the colony."

A sense of relief was beginning to grow in Spock. If T'Pau supported his remaining in Starfleet, then there could be none who would consider him a traitor. He looked away before his eyes betrayed such things.

"There is no decision necessary for thee." she continued, "Thy other self shall support our new beginning in every way that thou wouldst have been permitted."

Her last words rung in his mind as there meaning dawned on him. He slowly raised his eyes to hers.

"Permitted?" It was almost more statement than question.

"There are too few of us Spock." she said with logical directness. "Too accomplish what we must to repopulate, every line must cross in each generation. If thy descendents were part, within eight generations near every line would contain human heritage."

Spock stiffened slightly, but remained silent, too stunned to reply.

"Thy service to us has been great and for saving the Elders from the Cataclysm, you shall be remembered for all generations."

The thought sprang unbidden to his mind: But not great enough to be considered worthy to contribute to those generations.

She paused, regarding him. "Do not be disconcerted. Thy father's seed is still viable. With sufficient surrogates, his line among us will not end with thee. And though thy human blood hast been regarded as disability, yet thou art greatly gifted even among full Vulcans. I shall regard thee ever as among the best sons of my house.

Were our numbers more, I myself would require that thy descendents be many. But we do not wish to rebuild Vulcan only to become a hybridized race."

After a moment, he managed with effort to reply with a steady voice. "Thy logic is sound." He bowed for her slight touch of parting dismissal and benediction before walking slowly out and into the Embassy's hall.

He thought bitterly that now at least he understood fully what his other self had meant when he said 'Do yourself a favor...' when encouraging him to remain in Starfleet. Did it make logical sense for his elder self to try to spare his younger self's feelings?

It was too much to process. He had the sense, almost, of observing himself from afar, from without. Was this the detachment he had sought?

No. Surveying his internal landscape, the immense and conflicting emotional waves T'Pau's words had stirred crashed into each other, nullifying any one reaction or repsonse. He was free to follow the path of his choosing, free to choose Nyota - but only because he had been freed by the most final possible rejection by his people. He was not emotionless or detached; merely numb - almost in a sort of shock. He had seen this in others in the aftermath of battle. What had Captain Pike called it? ...Shell shock?

He turned the corner and found his father standing, as if waiting for him.

"You have spoken with T'Pau?" he asked.

Spock nodded, not yet trusting his voice.

"Spock,..." But Spock raised a hand stopping him.

"I accept her logic. It is sound."

He paused and considered the father who had taught him the discipline of logic, yet who seemed now uncertain. Vulcans do feel pain, no matter how well they control it. He would not contribute to his father's pain. He owed that much at least to honor his mother's memory.

"I shall look forward to greeting my future siblings of your line."

Sarek straightened and his eyes gleamed and softened, as close to pride as a Vulcan might show at his son's control and acceptance of logic.

"Whomever you choose as bondmate, I shall look forward to greeting my grandchildren of your union.

"Live long and prosper, Spock."

"Live long and prosper, father."

With that, he walked out into the cool sun of an earth spring. Captain Pike had once told him, "When there is no way back, there is only forward."

He was prepared to move forward.

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_To anyone waiting for me to finish A Different Kobayashi Maru. The project will be delayed a little bit. I had to put down my beloved greyhound last night and funny just isn't coming right now._


End file.
